I am going to try to start this up again. I need somewhere to drain all my feelings into. You can be completely in love with someone, trust them beyond anything but sometimes you just can't get all your feelings out to them. It's not that you don't want to them, its just the words won't physically escape your mouth to do so. I guess I'll write it here and maybe people read this, maybe they don't.
I'm steadily creeping into a depression. You would think with winter ending soon I'd be coming out of hibernation and loving life. Negative. Getting out of bed is extremely difficult, and going to work is the worst part of my day. I know you're saying "Nick, no one likes getting up and no one likes work" This is true. I just think it's different. I'm throwing away my career and it doesn't really bother me. All I want to do is sit around my house in my shorts and t-shirt and eat fast food and sleep. That is it. That's what I have been doing and its been nice. I've contemplating doing it this week as well. All I want sometimes is to be left alone. My Dad gets on my case constantly and so do other people. My Aunt is constantly calling me about work. Sometimes I don't want to deal with life and live in my own fantasy world. I know this is selfish to say but I've been through enough in my life that I deserve to not do anything and everyone should honestly just shut the fuck up and let me live my own life. I want to live my life to my standards, no one else's.
I know right now I come off to you as bitchy and annoying and completely into myself but I really don't care. I'm miserable in all aspects of my life except one, but I keep fucking that up so I'll be miserable in that soon enough.
N
I've had that feeling before, and always said oh it's just overdramatics. However, knowing you are in a state like that, makes it that much easier to start to get yourself out of it. I know, I know shut the fuck up and let you live life to your own standards, but don't you think you deserve better? The thing is, it's not simple, or easy. People tend to do the whole, oh just deal with it. It's a fight, a constant battle everyday with yourself, but hey, you seem like a strong enough guy. I think you can pick yourself up out of your current funk.
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