I'm really terrible about starting these things off. I always have a lengthy list of things to say but I never know how to get the ball rolling. I guess you could say that the days I have a million things to do are better days than days like today. I have work for a few hours and then that's it. Yesterday I worked all day and was busy so I guess it wasn't as bad. I hate thinking sometimes. I mean it's good to think and feel, to know you're alive but sometimes I would rather feel nothing. I'm having the same feelings as I did after my Mom passed. Not that this will ever ever relate to that or even come close but the feelings of what do I do now? Where does my life go from here? I've never been one to move on quickly, I can't.
I haven't been writing much. I don't feel the point. It will never turn into what I want it too. I thought I was doing better at holding in my emotions and not unraveling like I used too. I guess I have more work to do than I thought. I haven't come as far as I thought I did. I try to tell myself I'm this great guy, that anyone would be lucky to have me. I pump out my chest and parade around my house like I'm the greatest thing in the world. But as soon as I step out my front door I lose all that confidence. I'm not great, I'm just a scared, pathetic excuse for a man who will never really be this great guy that I want to be.
0 comments:
Post a Comment