"Shattered looks in each direction all seem to come to me."
I don't really understand the concept of time and how it relates to moods and feelings. Last night I went out all night and got home at 4am. I slept for a little while and then headed out to be with my StepDad and siblings. We had a nice lunch and I finally got to have a good talk with my Dad about how we both feel towards each other. He raised me since I was 3 years old and these past few years we have grown apart. We are both stubborn so taking the first step in reconciling is difficult for both of us. Neither of us wants to admit that we were wrong. I got home from lunch and took a much needed nap and since then I've been in a funk all day. I don't know where I am going in my life. I am lonely. I added another class to my school schedule so that I can further my life but I feel like its only going to add trouble and anxiety to my days. I'll be 24 in February and I still don't have a bachelor's degree. I know that everyone takes there own path and there is nothing wrong with not being in school. I didn't go to school for almost 2 years, but I know that I need it to better my life. I just don't want to be 30 and still living with my high school buddies with no future.
I let things eat at me on the inside. This usually leads to writing a lot but I don't even want to do that. I can't even really relate to music anymore. Everything brings up a memory or a feeling. I've haven't felt like this in so long, since my Mom passed. And not to keep trying to put these two situations in the same boat, they are not the same, they will never have the same impact on me but I feel the same loneliness. No where to turn.
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