September 17th, 2011

I already updated today but I felt the need to get something partially off my chest. You have your own ideas about why I'm the way I am. Most people do. I never truly open up to everyone. I tell you 99% of my day but never the full thing. Shady? Probably. It scares me to fully tell you what's going on. And to verify it's not what you think it is. I get lost inside my own head and anxiousness and being afraid. Afraid to say whats really going on, afraid to open myself up to this again. That I try to ignore it like its not really happening again. I thought this part of my life was over with. I thought that I had beaten the beast but in reality two beasts are beating me. I'm losing one battle with anxiety and starting a new one with an old "friend". Truth is, I haven't told anyone. I wouldn't know how to handle your reaction. Good, bad, indifferent. It's not an easy thing to do. I don't know if I would be able to handle other peoples reactions as well. All I can say is that I'm sorry for not being forthcoming.