October 11th, 2011

I'm sitting at my computer for the first time in what seems forever, lightly sipping on a strawberry lemonade Powerade and a song I wrote a few months ago is softy streaming in the background. I appreciate what I have for the first time in a long time. I appreciate the fact that I'm feeling "okay" enough to sit up for what probably will only be a few minutes. I appreciate that I have a nurse who actually cares, yes it is her job and my medical insurance is paying for her services but I can tell she really cares about me. She is here 6 days a week for 3-4 hours and on her one day away from me she still calls to see if I need anything. That is a women who may not like her job, but cares about the people who she comes in contact with.

At times in life we sort of forget where we come from, who we care about and who cares about us. I am not a perfect man, I am not taking this sickness in stride. I have my strong days and not so strong ones but I appreciate my support system. I've always tried to almost live my life by a quote from Perks of Being A Wallflower but I'm starting to notice that might not always be true. I may have it worse than someone, I may have it better, but it doesn't change how I'm feeling. I think what I'm trying to get as is that it is very frustrating to feel this way everyday, that this has now become my life, and everyone's life still goes on. This truly only affects me on a daily basis. My sister is still going to wake up everyday, do her hair and go to school. She may call to see how I am, and I love it, but her world doesn't stop for me. And I guess I understand that.


"Not everyone has a sob story, Charlie, and even if they do, it's no excuse"