December 10th, 2011

Its an indescribable feeling to be at a good place in your life. It's an even better place to have gotten there without sacrificing others along the way. I know it's not a long period of time but these last 2-3 weeks I have never felt more confident. I am completely happy with the man I am. I know I touched on it in my last post but this is huge for me. I've always been in a war with myself about who I really am. I think the biggest thing for me is standing up for myself. Not letting myself get walked all over. Not just standing up for myself but doing it in a mature manner. It's one thing to kick and scream and curse and beat it into someone head that I'm right or you're wrong. But to do it in a way that is mature, cool, calm and collected is something to be proud of.

On the health front I'm doing okay for right now. I'm still having chemo at least 2 times a week and dealing with that but the steroids I'm on have helped tremendously. I'm almost at my normal weight, only 6 pounds down. That is huge for me considering in September I was down almost 30 pounds from my normal. Me being sick is the only thing I'm not confident about in my life right now. I'm still scared everyday but I've learned to keep my thoughts to myself or keep it to my very close support system. I've learned that if people want to be there for you, they will and if they don't, then it is their loss. To be there for someone during this changes you. It makes you a better person and some people aren't ready for that transition in life.

This past Monday, Kristin and myself found out the sex of the baby. Right now she is only 15 weeks and it can't be confirmed until 20 weeks but they were able to give us the great news. I think I would have been happy either way. It is such a humbling feeling to see a little heartbeat on the screen and to know that it depends on you. Its extremely scary but humbling at the same time. I've been tight lipped on the sex of the baby because my master plan is surprise my Step Mom on Christmas. If you know her, you know she would love that. We all know she deserves it.